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come in tonight for olive garden's new baked pasta romanas. ruffled pasta, layered with creamy fontina and asiago cheeses, and oven-baked just for you. try it with pan seared chicken with toscano tomatoes. or, try it with braised beef. for a limited time, only at olive garden. >> join us next week at 11:00, on monday george lucas returns to the program. here it, your moment of zen. >> niki this is a very joyous occasion for you. >> blessing of the animals and i really believe the animals have a right to captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight a new tool in the war on terror. get ready for ham irboarding. then a tv host speaks to god, larry king, head away from the light! and my guest aol founder steve case has a new internet ven tuferment i didn't actually book him, he just showed up here in a free mailer. a drunk woman rubbed her butt and tried to pee on a $30 million expressionist painting. come on, my five-year-old could do that. this is the colbert report captioning
come in tonight for olive garden's new baked pasta romanas. ruffled pasta, layered with creamy fontina and asiago cheeses, and oven-baked just for you. try it with pan seared chicken with toscano tomatoes. or, try it with braised beef. for a limited time, only at olive garden. >> join us next week at 11:00, on monday george lucas returns to the program. here it, your moment of zen. >> niki this is a very joyous occasion for you. >> blessing of the animals and i really believe...
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his grandfather was an olive loaf. and now newt has the knives out for mitt romney. listen to these not-so-veiled threats he issued last night. >> we are not going to go out and run nasty ads, but i do reserve the right to tell the truth. and if the truth seems negative, that may be more a comment on his record than it is on politics. >> stephen: oh, mitt, you have made a fatal mistake. you may have wounded newt. but you left him alive. and alone with his first love -- hate. newt's wound will now fester, oozing a pustulent rage which will render down into liquid vengeance and then pour into the tip of a single hallow-nosed bullet and then fire into the heart of romney room's dreams and dance and cackle on the grave of your hopes. [cheering and applause] but not in a negative way. [laughter] nation, personally i cannot wait for this weekend's debates in new hampshire because when mitt romney least expects it, newt gingrich is going to turn to him and say... >> hello. my name is newt gingrich. you killed my campaign. prepare to die. [cheering and applause] >> i think t
his grandfather was an olive loaf. and now newt has the knives out for mitt romney. listen to these not-so-veiled threats he issued last night. >> we are not going to go out and run nasty ads, but i do reserve the right to tell the truth. and if the truth seems negative, that may be more a comment on his record than it is on politics. >> stephen: oh, mitt, you have made a fatal mistake. you may have wounded newt. but you left him alive. and alone with his first love -- hate. newt's...
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Jan 31, 2012
01/12
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john oliver. oh, my god. so great to see you. >> you too. huge fan. >> would you ever wanted to a proceed... project together? >> i would. >> oh, i'm captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: wow! that's good. (applause) i'm sorry to interrupt. you have seen jon stewart? >> what does he look like. >> stephen: he's about this tall, salt and pepper, giant head, tiny body? (laughter) >> stephen: like a human bob el head but very old, very old. >> no. >> stephen: no? okay, i'm so sorry, carry on. >> anyway-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: taxi, taxi. >> thank you my good man, thank you my good man. go, go, go, go! he'll never catch me now! >> stephen: oh no? >> jon: dough! hey buddy. it's over, jon. >> jon: we can share the money. i don't need all of it, i just-- i just need some of it. the money, we have grown very close and i just really don't think that i can-- . >> stephen: shhh. shhh, jon. >> jon: don't make me, i can't, i can't give the money back. >> stephen: don't worry, jon. you don't have to give the money back. >> jon: no,
john oliver. oh, my god. so great to see you. >> you too. huge fan. >> would you ever wanted to a proceed... project together? >> i would. >> oh, i'm captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: wow! that's good. (applause) i'm sorry to interrupt. you have seen jon stewart? >> what does he look like. >> stephen: he's about this tall, salt and pepper, giant head, tiny body? (laughter) >> stephen: like a human bob el head but very old, very...
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Jan 18, 2012
01/12
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quit it, john oliver! quit it! we'll be right back. stop tickling him! stop it! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. nation, they say god is love and if that's so, you and i are about to make sweet, sweet god. (laughter) this "yahweh or no way." (cheers and applause) sex and relationship edition. folks, meeting a good christian single can be hard. that's why i was intrigued by an online dating site called christianmingle.com with the tag line "find find god's match for you." it's a great time to find other single who like long walks o the beach where jesus is carrying them. (laughter) now, if site boasts five million members and recently launched a nationwide advertising campaign featuring couples that have met using the site. >> i definitely view christian mingle as sort of a friend just because, you know, it's like seeing someone who has other friends and christian mingle is friends with leslie and i was friends with christian mingle so a friend set me up with my wife. (laughter) >> stephen: yes. and like all true friends, there's a monthl
quit it, john oliver! quit it! we'll be right back. stop tickling him! stop it! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. nation, they say god is love and if that's so, you and i are about to make sweet, sweet god. (laughter) this "yahweh or no way." (cheers and applause) sex and relationship edition. folks, meeting a good christian single can be hard. that's why i was intrigued by an online dating site called christianmingle.com with the tag line "find...
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Jan 11, 2012
01/12
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for a limited time, only at olive garden. everybody. folks, my guest tonight has a new interview show called "moyers and company." i hope that means he's interviewing corporations. please welcome bill moyers. [cheering and applause] mr. moyers, thanks so much for coming on. i've always wanted to meet you. >> same here. >> stephen: thank you very much. well, i have enjoyed your work ever since the joseph campbell interviews you did. >> 25 years ago. >> stephen: 25 years ago. that's how i found out they was the hero with 1,000 faces. now, sir, we've got the pleasantries out of the way. it's hammer time. all right. >> hammer away. >> stephen: you are often considered like the reasonable man's reasonable man. [laughter] >> somebody has to do it. >> stephen: right. you keep a calm voice. you never attack the guests on your shows. [laughter] and i'm here to call bull [bleeped]. okay. it's all an act. you sandbag and shift people with calmness and facts. how is that any better than what i do? >> you're from the south. you must know the differe
for a limited time, only at olive garden. everybody. folks, my guest tonight has a new interview show called "moyers and company." i hope that means he's interviewing corporations. please welcome bill moyers. [cheering and applause] mr. moyers, thanks so much for coming on. i've always wanted to meet you. >> same here. >> stephen: thank you very much. well, i have enjoyed your work ever since the joseph campbell interviews you did. >> 25 years ago. >> stephen:...
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Jan 20, 2012
01/12
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for a limited time, only at olive garden. whee wheeeeeeeeeeeee! wheeeeeeeeeeee! whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee-he-he-heeeeee! whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee! pure adrenaline. whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee! everything you love about geico, now mobile. download the new geico app today. whee wheeeeeeeeeeee-he-he-heeeeee! >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is the associate director for collections of the metropolitan museum of art who will be the first time i nail somebody by-- please welcome carrie rebora barratt. (cheers and applause) thank you so much for coming on. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: all right, nice to meet you. you know what i like about the metropolitan museum of art, the great place to go in and not pay and see a lot of art. because you have an honor system there. >> we do, we do. >> stephen: absolutely. >> have you been. >> stephen: have i been, i have not been. >> oh, i will take you through whenever you want. >> stephen: really that would be fantastic. >> private tour. >> stephen: can i lick the painting (laughter) >> stephen: simple ques
for a limited time, only at olive garden. whee wheeeeeeeeeeeee! wheeeeeeeeeeee! whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee-he-he-heeeeee! whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee! pure adrenaline. whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee! everything you love about geico, now mobile. download the new geico app today. whee wheeeeeeeeeeee-he-he-heeeeee! >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is the associate director for collections of the metropolitan museum of art who will be the first time i nail somebody by-- please...