abc seven bay area connected tv app. it's available for apple tv, google tv, amazon fire tv and roku. download the app now so you can start streaming. all right. thank you so much for watching. >> i'm ama daetz and i'm dan ashley for a sandyha patel larry bill all of us here. we appreciate your time right now on jimmy kimmel wanda sykes and gabriel iglesias. >> have a great night. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- wanda sykes. gabriel "fluffy" iglesias. and music from ernest. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody, how are you doing? okay. okay. welcome. welcome. very nice. hi, everybody, welcome. relax, please. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. it is -- on what was -- man, i have to say, what a bummer. another difficult day for our former president. [ laughter ] a revealing day in the trial of al ca-porn. [ laughter ] whose popularity seems to be losing steam. he seems to be less popular each day, and he cannot deal with it. donald trump may be full of gas, but his supporters appear to be running out. [ laughter ] trump has been encouraging his fans to rally outside the courthouse. and he's unhappy that they haven't.

the "new york times" said, "the circus trump wanted outside his trial hasn't arrived." [ laughter ] this was the scene outside the courthouse in new york this morning. [ laughter ] you can see while he was on, no one showed up. i don't know if they're saving their energy for one of his next criminal trials? [ laughter ] and while you would think donald trump wouldn't be able to lie about the size of a crowd that wasn't there -- think again. [ laughter ] here you go. "thousands of people were turned away from the courthouse by steel sanctions and police, literally blocked from the door. it is an armed camp to keep people away. maggot hager man of the failing "new york times" falsely reported that i was disappointed with the crowds. no, i'm disappointed with "maggot" and her lack of writing skill. it's maggie, by the way. hager man, by the way. she was the first one to report

about trump sleeping in court. and the woman who conveniently forgot to mention that trump is drawing the biggest courthouse crowds for any criminally indicted president in history. [ applause ] that's just bias is all. all trump cares about is crowd size. one day he'll be sitting in the electric chair bragging about all the people who showed up to watch him. [ laughter ] the day began with fireworks. there were several heated exchanges between trump's lawyers and the judge in the hearing about whether or not he definitely violated the judge's gag order. judge merchan told trump's lead attorney, todd blanche, that his arguments didn't make sense. that he "presented nothing." and that he was "losing all credibility with the court." to his credit, blanche fired back. he said, "your honor, with all due respect, i lost all credibility when i agreed to represent donald trump!" [ laughter ] that is not an issue. fortunately, trump didn't hear any of it. he was sound asleep. [ laughter ] rip van winkle dozes off so often, the court's going to need

one of those nba sweat-wiper kids to mop the drool puddles off his desk. [ laughter ] why trump hasn't already been punished for violating the gag order, i don't know. i'm sure he's driving his lawyers nuts. 20 minutes after his lawyer told the judge "president trump is being very careful to comply with your order," trump very carefully posted this. "highly conflicted, to put it mildly." by the way, you can't put it mildly when you're using all caps. [ laughter ] it's impossible. "judge juan merchan has taken away my constitutional right to free speech. everybody is allowed to talk and lie about me, but i am not allowed to defend myself. this is a kangaroo court, and the judge should recuse himself!" he violated the gag order during a hearing about whether he violated the gag order! [ laughter ] on his way out of the courthouse, groper cleveland stopped to tell reporters how uncomfortably cold it is in the room and how very unhappy he is to be there. >> they're keeping me in a courtroom that's freezing, by the way.

in a courtroom, all day long, while he's out there painting -- it's probably an advantage, because he can't campaign, nobody knows what he's doing. he can't put two sentences together. >> jimmy: well, you can. you're about to put two prison sentences together. [ cheers and applause ] maybe possibly more. i love hearing him complain about how cold it is. someone should knit him a little pair of admitens to wear into court. [ laughter ] the one and only witness today was trump's old pal and former publisher of "the national enquirer," david pecker. who looks like if the guy on the pringles can was now dating your mom. [ laughter ] pecker described what he called a "mutually beneficial relationship" with trump. it's weird. the only faithful relationship trump's ever been in was with "the national enquirer." [ laughter ] think about how insane it is that our president had a "mutually beneficial relationship" with "the national enquirer." there are only two people on the planet who can say that. donald trump and bigfoot. [ laughter ]

among other things, pecker testified that he paid $30,000 to a doorman at trump tower to kill a story that trump fathered an illegitimate child with a maid. trump says it never happened. also, it was triplets and the maid was cindy crawford. [ laughter ] but it never happened. pecker testified that in 2015 he had a meeting with trump and his lawyer slash fixer, michael cohen. where they agreed he'd be their eyes and ears for any negative stories women might be trying to sell about trump, so they could pay the women off or get the stories killed. they would also publish positive stories about trump and negative stories about his opponents, many of them stories they made up. like this one about dr. ben carson before he bent the knee. "bungling surge ben left sponge in patient's brain." [ laughter ] this one about ted cruz. "ted cruz shamed by porn star." [ laughter ] "hillary framed trump family."

[ laughter ] you understand donald trump calls "the new york times" fake news, was admittedly generating fake news with his friend, david pecker. everything he accuses anyone else of, is something he actually did. and yet these bootlickers on fox news, they cannot believe the injustice. >> i consider myself a proud person. after sitting in that dirty, disgusting, criminal courtroom today watching the former president of the united states being persecuted like a criminal, i don't know if i'm so proud to be an american anymore. >> the judge is ridiculous, the conflict of interest is ridiculous this whole case is ridiculous. >> these are the types of election year shenanigans that happen in other countries. in third world autocracies. >> trump's not even allowed to complain about the thermostat. it's a meat locker in there. he gets mocked for just closing his eyes. >> my father was focused on running the united states of america. not bookkeeping. this isn't lawfair, it's torture. >> a totally corrupt judge and a

totally corrupt district attorney are going to try to put a former president of the united states in jail. i mean, this is literally like some of the civil rights workers in mississippi in the 1960s. [ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: literally? literally? is it? there is literally no difference between donald trump and three men who were murdered by the klan? can somebody please put a sock down newt gingrich's throat already? [ cheers and applause ] what are these people even saying? at least mitt romney is a republican who hasn't drunk the kool-aid. but every once in a while, he likes to come crashing through the wall. >> -- their own assessment of president trump's character, and so far as i know, you don't pay someone $130,000 not to have sex with you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oho, the mitts are off! someone must have slipped a vitamin into his milk this morning or something. [ laughter ] trump did get some good news this morning. he is expected to get a stock

bonus from his worthless media company for $1.2 billion of other people's money. he's getting $1.2 billion from truth social and still doing things like this. >> for all you great maga republicans, i love you, you know that. if you want to wear a signed hat from your all-time favorite president, me, what you do is sign up and you're going to get it. here it is. i'm going to sign it right in front of you. so this way you know there's no games being played like people play games. constantly playing games. there it is. just signed. oh, that's a nice one, that's a 10. [ laughter ] have a good time, everybody. >> jimmy: that's right, we will. you go back to huffing that pen. [ laughter ] i actually noticed -- can we go back to the video? zoom in. he has a tiny fake oscar on his shelf. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i don't know, for best performance with an adult video star?

the man was president, he has a plastic academy award like you could buy next door at the souvenir shop. maybe this explains why he gets so mad about the oscars, he wants one. [ laughter ] so sad. you know, one of the arguments trump has been making lately is that americans were better off four years ago than we are now. so for the sake of comparison, this is where we were exactly four years ago today. >> so, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous -- whether it's ultraviolet or just very powerful light, and i think you said that hasn't been checked but you're going to test it. i said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do, either through the skin or in some other way. and i think you said you're going to test that too. sounds interesting. and then i see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute. there is a way we can do something like that? by injection inside?

or almost a cleaning? because you see it gets in the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. so it would be interesting to check that. so you're going to have to use medical doctors. but it sounds -- it sounds interesting to me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: one more minute of that, she would have hung herself with her scarf. that was our president. meanwhile, president biden was in trump's home state of florida today. his advisers were worried about him going there, because a lot of times when an 81-year-old goes to florida, they don't come back. [ laughter ] but biden believes he can win the state. step one? winning florida? forgiving all their jet-ski loans. [ laughter ] biden was in tampa to talk about "reproductive freedom." and to counter trump's new and very convenient position, claiming he's not so anti-abortion after all. >> he described the dobbs decision as a miracle. maybe it's coming from that bible he's trying to sell. whoa.

i was going to buy one just to see what the hell's in it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: biden and romney are on a roll today. speaking of books, you know what today is, guillermo? no, you don't know. >> guillermo: taco tuesday? >> jimmy: is that right, it is taco tuesday. it's also world book day today. [ cheers ] as the state of florida calls it, bonfire day. [ laughter ] on world book day, i would like to honor a true classic. this is a book that used to be in every home in the good old days. i'm not talking about the bible, i'm talking about the phone book, the yellow pages. what other book can get you escrow and escorts on the same page? [ laughter ] naturally naughty. not only does this have everything you'd ever need on the inside, you could use them as door stops, step stools, booster seats, you could build a home out of them if you wanted to. now this book is never on "the new york times" bestseller list. it was never picked for oprah's

book club. but it could kill any bug you dropped it on guaranteed. while the world may have forgotten you, phone book, i want you to know your yellowed yellow pages will always be in our hearts. guille guillermo, would you mind? as we now say good-bye to the phone book. [ applause ] rest in power, old friend. recycle that. all jokes aside, this world book day is a weird one. there are at least 100 bills in various red states, three of which have become law already, threatening librarians with prison for the crime of lending books. books that aren't government-approved. which to me, not only is this the opposite what was our country's supposed to be about, it's completely nuts. we're going to throw librarians in jail for loaning out "huckleberry finn"? this is not what they signed up for. i think it's disgusting and wrong and anti-american. but don't take it from me, take it from these real-life librarians.

>> i'm a librarian. >> i'm a librarian. >> i've been a librarian for 26 years. >> we're librarians. >> masters of the library sciences. >> not groomers. >> not sex finds. >> not pornographers. >> we're the people who hand out library cards. >> we do storytimes. we put away the books you guys leave out on the tables instead of putting them on the reshelf cart. >> the clearly labeled reshelf cart. >> you can read that, right? >> we're not the deep state. >> we're not satanists. >> we're librarians. but some people want to make us criminals. >> put us in jail. >> i would not do well in jail. >> it's not meth. it's judy bloom. >> judy effing bloom. >> judy effing bloom. >> fine us thousands of dollars? >> like we have thousands of dollars. >> make books the enemy?

>> make knowledge the enemy? >> you know what we say to this? >> shh! >> shh! >>shh! >> shut the [ bleep ] up! >> shut the [ bleep ] up. >> please shut the [ bleep ] up. >> what's wrong with you? >> paid for by americans against americans against librarians. >> you can have "to kill a mockingbird" when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!" or you can check it out. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, librarians. we've got a good show for you tonight. gabriel iglesias is here. we have music from ernest. and we'll be right back with wanda sykes. so stick around!

[ cheers and applause ]

♪ >> jimmy: all right. a funny man whom you can see on the "don't worry be fluffy" stand-up comedy tour, gabriel iglesias is with us. [ cheers and applause ] later on, a very accomplished songwriter with a new album of his own. it's called "nashville, tennessee." ernest from the don julio stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, we will be joined -- oh, tomorrow night, carol burnett and nicholas galitzeen with music from christian no-doll. don't do the "oh" sound. if you say "oooh," it makes the other guests feel bad. here comes one. our first guest tonight is an emmy-winning writer, actor, and comedian who has been very amusingly annoyed for well over three decades. new episodes of her show "the upshaws" are on netflix now. please welcome wanda sykes. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: wanda, it is always a delight to see you. i don't want you -- i don't think -- don't be offended, i hope not. it's just that everyone loves carol burnett. >> i love carol burnett. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> i'm starting to go, i'm out of here. >> jimmy: on a more positive note, are you enjoying the trump trial? >> i am enjoying the trump trial. i really am. you know, yeah. i know they say he's passing gas and everything in the courtroom. [ laughter ] i like that i'm watching it from home, you know? [ laughter ] i don't think i want to be in that room, you know? [ laughter ] but the thing is, he's old. so that's what happens when you're old. you fall asleep and you toot a little bit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i almost -- >> i mean, i do it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know, it's funny. because most people, you just go, all right, well, he's an

older guy, he's sitting there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's whatever. but this guy, you know that if joe biden did something like that -- >> oh my god. >> jimmy: he'd have a blimp with "joe biden farted" on it all over the courtroom. >> they were -- they'd put a mic right by his butt. >> jimmy: you're right. >> they would mic his seat, all my god. >> jimmy: they'd have him blasting "hail to the chief" out of his -- yeah. it's all fair game. >> you can't make fun of him. the trump people get really upset. >> jimmy: right. >> some of them, they come into any show. again, i'm like, why are y'all here? [ laughter ] don't you know me by now? >> jimmy: they get upset? they come to the show? >> yeah, they come to the show, as soon as i say one thing about trump i hear rrrrr! they actually make that noise. [ laughter ] they get up, hrmmhrmm! what the hell are you doing here? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're not doing their research, that's for sure.

>> i know. but it's -- yeah, anyway. >> jimmy: do you feel like trump is finally starting to age, when you look at him? >> no, but we are. [ laughter ] i mean, he still looks the same. i think he's getting younger. i don't know. you know. i don't know if he's getting virgin blood transfusions or something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's something going on there for sure. >> i don't know but whew. >> jimmy: you like true crime? >> i love true crime. >> jimmy: you watch that channel, what's the name of that channel? >> id channel. >> jimmy: it's all just murders all the time? >> it's murder. i had to stop, though, be honest with you, i had to put a pause on it. because it started to, like, bleed into my regular life. >> jimmy: in what way? >> i was doing things i wasn't proud of, you know. like -- i was at dinner, right? and it was like a rainy night, and the -- i know the restaurant owner. we were sitting there chatting it up, a couple of friends. this older couple sitting in the corner. and i was like, "do you know

them?" "no, first time they've been here." so then we're leaving. you know, and i go and i get in my car, and i'm close to home, and i see this same elderly couple. and they're walking through the neighborhood. and they're going like this, going like this. i was like, oh, they can't find their car. and i said, i should stop and see if i can help them. then i was like, but it's awfully suspicious. [ laughter ] that they were just hanging around the restaurant, first time there, waiting on me. they're trying to set me up. [ laughter ] and if i help them, they're going to hit me in the back of the head with a shovel, and i'm never heard of again. so i kept going. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're probably still out there. >> i kept going. i still don't feel good about it. but i was like, i had that gut feeling, though. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: got to trust your gut.

>> you've got to trust your gut. >> jimmy: that's what they say in those things, right? you had a big birthday last month. >> i did. >> jimmy: happy birthday, by the way. do you mind saying? [ cheers and applause ] some people don't like you to know what their aging. >> oh, i don't care. i heard. >> jimmy: some people in this room. >> i don't care. you know, i'm 60. but you know -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look fantastic. >> why, thank you. you know, they say black don't crack. but it's the infrastructure you got to worry about. [ laughter ] i got some leaky valves. stuff needs to be replaced for sure. >> jimmy: we have something from when you were just a kid. i think this is from your high school yearbook. >> oh, wow. >> jimmy: "wanda y. yolanda? >> nope. >> jimmy: yvonne? >> nope.

>> jimmy: yardstick? >> close. >> jimmy: what is it? >> yvette. >> jimmy: i should have guessed that. >> ask for my social security number next. >> jimmy: why does it say "twinkles" next to it? >> that's my nickname. my family nickname. they named me trinkets. >> jimmy: twinkles sykes? >> yeah, i don't know why i put that in the yearbook. >> jimmy: did the kids at school call you twinkles? >> no, it was just family members that called me twink committees. >> jimmy: is it possible your mom may have filled that out for you? or did you fill it out? >> who knows? your motto is "i can do all things through christ." which seems like something your mom would have written in there also, right? >> that was me. my mom would have quoted the scripture. >> jimmy: is f.p. favorite person? >> see how i try to rip off the bible. my motto, like i wrote that. >> jimmy: yeah, my motto. [ laughter ] i don't think you have to write your own motto, i think you can bor roe row a motto. >> okay, you can, thank you.

>> jimmy: all four years you were a drummer in the band? >> yes. >> jimmy: played basketball. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: on the track team. what event did you do in track? >> well, i started long distance. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> it was so funny, because i started long distance. and i was, okay, come on, let's do this. and all my black friends went to the track and was doing sprints. and it was like eight white girls just took off running. and the coach said, "go, go run with them." and i was like, "what was that?" "that's long distance." i started going after them, was running. we got to, like, the end of the parking lot of the school, and i was like, "where the hell y'all going? we should go back." they were like, "no, we go down to the shopping center, then we swing back." i was like, "you're actually running by my house, hell no." [ laughter ] i said, "i take the bus to school, why am i going to run?" [ applause ]

so i became -- that's when i became the manager. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you became the manager? >> i became the manager. >> jimmy: you watched everyone run? >> i watched everybody run, yes. >> jimmy: as long as you do it through christ. [ laughter ] >> there you go. >> jimmy: wanda sykes is here. "the upshaws" is the show. we'll be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by intuit - makers of turbotax, creditkarma, quickbooks, and mail-chimp. visit intuit.com to learn more. 3 out of 4 people achieved 90% clearer skin at 4 months. and skyrizi is just 4 doses a year after 2 starter doses. serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine, or plan to. nothing on my skin means everything! ♪ nothing is everything ♪ ask your dermatologist about skyrizi. learn how abbvie could help you save.

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oh, there! ♪ we got certified we're legends ♪ ♪ we got certified we're electric uh hey zzz ♪ whoo! i don't care what they say, cheating works. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is wanda sykes and kim fields in "the upshaws," part five is on netflix now. mike epps, i always feel like whenever he's here, he's always so funny. i always feel like under the surface, there's a genuinely crazy person that we haven't quite uncovered everything yet. would you agree with that? >> he's that -- not crazy. there's a lot under there. >> jimmy: yeah, maybe that's what i meant. >> a lot under there, yeah. it's just -- yeah. he's deep. he's funny, but he's, you know -- he has to figure out the

situation first before he can fully see all of it. >> jimmy: he's got a lot of stories. >> somebody he wouldn't show you, i guess. >> jimmy: don't you mine a lot of his personal stories for the show itself? >> that's -- to me, that's when the show is at its best. when, you know, mike gives us a little -- you know, a little story, tells us something about his family or the kids or something. to me, taels the goal right there. >> jimmy: yeah, that's the stuff -- >> grounded, keep it grounded. >> jimmy: what is it about that, when you know something is true, that it works? >> because it's not manufactured. you don't -- you know, i think it's -- you relate to it, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's also interesting that the audience gets that. there's just something about -- like you think you could write this or that, say this or that. but then something that's really true to you as an extra resonance for some reason. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i don't know why that is. >> i don't know either, jimmy. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: i guess we'll never figure it out. i was hoping you would know. >> well, i -- maybe because we -- we miss it. we miss truth. >> jimmy: yeah, maybe. >> maybe that's it. "oh, that feels real, i haven't felt that in a while." >> jimmy: "that felt really good, i don't know why." you're doing a stand-up comedy tour. >> yes. >> jimmy: you haven't been on a tour in quite a while, right? >> long time. >> jimmy: how long has it been? >> probably been at least over 15 years. since i've done like a real tour. >> jimmy: 15 years? >> because i always do sporadic dates. you know, two days over here, maybe go out every other month. but this is like a legit tour. >> jimmy: you have a show right across the street from us on may 2nd here. >> yes, i do, the dolby. >> jimmy: the dolby, part of the "netflix is a joke" festival. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: are you aware that jon stewart has a show on the same night right up the block at the hollywood bowl? did they tell you this? >> they never tell you stuff like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's terrible planning. >> they never tell you things like that. >> jimmy: have you and jon

considered merging your shows so you're not against one another on the same night in the same neighborhood? >> i would love to do that, you know? but -- yeah, i love jon. so i think -- are they at the same time? really? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] you know what i'll call jon -- >> well, there's always a bomb threat. [ laughter and applause ] did i say that out loud? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i said that out loud? dammit. >> jimmy: it came out, yeah. >> dammit. 60! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you see, the true stuff really resonates. [ laughter ] then where do you go? so you're in reno after that? >> yeah. it's l.a., then reno, spokane, washington, then anchorage, alaska. >> jimmy: acreage, alaska, wow. yeah, you're really going to -- >> i'm with the people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you're with the people. all right. we're going to make an announce many. first of all, "the upshaws" part five is on netflix. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and wanda sykes is on

tour. you can get all her live dates at wandasykes.com. and we just want a reminder, if you really, really like donald trump, you might not want to show, you might not want to come. [ laughter ] you're going to be there for a very short time. wanda sykes, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, wanda. we'll be back with gabriel iglesias. i won't let my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis symptoms define me. emerge as you. with tremfya®, most people saw 90% clearer skin at 4 months and the majority stayed clearer, at 5 years. serious allergic reactions may occur. tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. emerge as you. emerge tremfyant®. ask you doctor about tremfya®. ( ♪ ) ladies and gentlemen, please take your... [crunching] mmmm. place... mmmm. on the conveyor belt. let's move it— oh... [crunching]

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>> jimmy: gabriel iglesias and ernest are coming up, but first,

some important words about financial education from our financially uneducated friend, guillermo. >> guillermo: hey, it's your boy, g money! this tuna is fire. it's packed with flavor. no cap. until next time, bro. disgusting. >> what are you doing? >> guillermo: i'm reviewing tuna fish on tiktok toe. ok fam, it's tuna time. >> what's going on here? >> he's a fish-fluencer. people watch him eat tuna. >> i'm blowing up. i made $40 million this year. >> that's a lot. how are you like managing all that money? >> guillermo: that's the best part. i'm not. >> you should. even i know that, and i'm a child. >> we learn about it in school with intuit for education. >> it teaches you to be as a matter of fact with your money. >> so you don't go broke buying exotic pets. >> guillermo: hey, his name is felipe. wait, so i can take control of my own finances? that's the great news. i think we should do a toast.

here. to tuna and intuit. >> lou: looking for more financial knowledge? check out intuit for education's free resources at intuit.com/education. >> guillermo: do you like it? >> no. >> no. >> guillermo: do you hear that, felipe? more for you.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. music from earnest is on the way. by the way, i was able to make some calls and i'm moved jon stewart to the greek theater on may 3rd. [ laughter ] wanda will be on may 2nd across the street. and unfortunately, jerry seinfeld will be moving up to the hollywood bowl on may 2nd so that will conflict. don't worry, i'll get it all straightened out. [ laughter ] our next guest is a wildly successful stand-up comic whom you can see live on the "don't worry, be fluffy" tour. please say hello to gabriel iglesias. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: well, that is a beautiful -- did you go to tj maxx today? what happened? [ laughter ] >> hey, it's something i had in the closet. how are you, man? >> jimmy: i'm good. would you really vote for guillermo for president if he was running? >> you know what? uh -- si! >> guillermo: si. >> that's right. >> jimmy: you usually wear hawaiian shirts. this is a depart doctor 4 you. >> it's been 27 years, you've got to change it up sometimes. not saying i've used the same shirt for 27 years. [ laughter ] i found a guy who does an incredible job, and i wanted to do something special for the show. >> jimmy: it's beautiful, thank you. >> i hope you like it. guillermo? >> guillermo: i like it, very good, good job, muy bueno.

>> carry to popular belief, not all mexicans know each other. [ laughter ] "they seem so friendly with one another." [ speaking spanish ] all right, just making sure. >> jimmy: how many hawaiian shirts do you own? >> at one point i had over 500. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> yeah. in all sizes. because my career has fluctuated. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: has it? yeah. and at any point do you go, oh, this is my trademark, i'm known for wearing these, but i don't want to wear them anymore? >> i think after so many years, people already know it's me. i made it a point to always wear shorts, now i'm wearing pants. yeah, the hawaiian shirt thing, from time to time i'll still wear them. but if i have a chance to wear something personalized and custom like this i'll go for this all day? why did you stars wearing pants? >> last time i did a talk show, i was wearing shorts. i tried to cross my legs and i had a card robe malfunction.

[ laughter ] aparentally people saw a little -- pikachu. [ laughter ] let me play it safe, the cameras are straight ahead. >> jimmy: time to grow up. >> my sharon stone moment here. let's keep the dignity. >> jimmy: you do a lot of tour dates, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: you or the road all the time. >> anywhere, everywhere. >> jimmy: do you go straight through when you're on tour? do you take breaks in the middle? how do you do it? >> i've been on tour -- i haven't stopped, basically, with the exception of covid. every now and then i get a little bit of a break. i actually went to disneyland a couple of ago. i had some family in town. they hadn't been in over 40 years. i took my sister, my brother-in-law. >> jimmy: nice. >> we had a good old time at disneyland. until the ride broke. >> jimmy: which one? >> we were on cars. and it was going great. until the car all of a sudden came to a complete stop in the middle of the ride. and my sister and my brother-in-law were like, "is this part of the experience?" i'm like, "no, we're supposed to finish." [ laughter ]

yeah, we were stuck for about 20 minutes. >> jimmy: you were? >> yeah, disney sent their people to come out -- >> jimmy: can't you just get out of those cars? >> you'd think but the seat belts -- you can click, click, now you're roaming around the set. >> jimmy: it's like being on the 405 in a way, you're just stuck there. [ laughter ] >> yeah, so i mean, it was okay. i'm fine. it was out in the sun. my brother-in-law, he's from minnesota. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> oh, yeah. he got cooked. he was in that sun for 20 minutes, and oh did he know. >> jimmy: 20 minutes did him in. he's got that nordic blood. didn't hold up very well. >> he's pure, he's pure. >> jimmy: you grew up in southern california, where in san diego you grew up? >> i was born in san diego, i grew up in long beach. i actually -- which is nice. this is a short drive for me. usually i've got to fly. >> jimmy: and you like it here? is this someplace that you plan to live for your whole life, los angeles?

>> it's been home forever. but recently i had a situation where they broke into my house. >> jimmy: who did? >> well, i don't know. [ laughter ] but it's california. even if we know, it doesn't mean anything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: were they -- >> sorry, that was a good point, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. were they wearing hawaiian shirts when they left? [ laughter ] no, i'm sorry to hear that. did they take any of your good stuff? >> they -- well, they broke in -- i don't think they realized whose house it was. they hit four houses that day. when they broke in, they made a mess, of course. they went through all the drawers, cupboards, pulled picture frames off the walls. i asked the detective, why did they pull picture frames off the wall but not take the frame? they were looking for a safe. i just got this money. i said did they check the mattress? [ laughter ] he goes, i don't know. we went in the room, i lifted up the mattress, i was like, oh, stupid, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very traditional.

>> they had no idea they were robbing somebody more ghetto than them, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] perfect, man. perfect. >> jimmy: you did something no comic had ever done, you sold out dodger stadium. [ cheers and applause ] something elton john does or the rolling stones have sold out dodger stadium. as a comedian, especially a comedian from this area, when something like that happens, does it make you think back on your humble beginnings as a stand-up comic? >> absolutely. i felt like that night, it wasn't me that sold it out, i felt we had sold it out. so many people have been following my career all these years. that night, it didn't feel like it was my show, it felt like it was a celebration. everybody there was excited and happy to see this hometown kid sell out dodger stadium. and i'm hike, i could have died the next day. [ cheers and applause ] man, it was such a great moment. >> jimmy: what was the worst stand-up comedy experience you had? i'm assuming that may have been the best? >> dodger stadium was definitely

the best. and as far as the worst, in the early days, i did shows off the backs of pickup trucks and the worst one was inside of an empty swimming pool. [ laughter ] yeah, i know. it was like that movie where jean claude van damme is fighting, i was only fighting my demons. >> jimmy: the bottom of a pool? >> here was the logic behind it. at the time, i didn't know what a good gig was or a bad gig was, i was happy to be in front of people doing stand-up. the guy tells me, "listen, bro, if you stand at the bottom of the pool,@cutics will carry up." i guess he was an acute ticks dude who couldn't fill a pool. "we'll stand out on the edge and hear you good." believe it or not, the people laughed. it was a good show after we got out of the whole me trying to get out of the empty swimming pool. [ laughter ] when you start off like that, you end up at dodger stadium, 20 some odd years later, that's an incredible feeling. you know what it's like to struggle and fight and claw your

way out of a pool. [ laughter ] and now have the success of being in front of the entire city. yep [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: from one big bowl to another. gabriel iglesias. get tickets to his stand up tour "don't worry, be fluffy" at fluffyguy.com. thank you, gabriel. we'll be back with ernest. >> lou: "the jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico.

>> lou: "the jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. >> jimmy: thanks to wanda sykes and gabriel iglesias. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first his album is called "nashville, tennessee." here with the song "why dallas," ernest! ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ i know the stars are bright above that little texas town i bet i'm nowhere near ♪ ♪ her mind right now oh but i can't say the same it's ♪ ♪ been thunderin' and rain i'm so full of all this liquor and i'm ♪ ♪ drowning in this pain i'm wonderin' why dallas did you take her from me ♪ ♪ everythin' was fine out here in nashville, tennessee we went from chasing ♪ ♪ amarillo now i'm chasin' memories i'm wondering why did you take ♪ ♪ her from me oh yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ lucas nelson ♪ ♪ if i could find the ocean

i would pour it on my head ♪ ♪ float around this desert like a possum playin' dead maybe i could drift back to her heart and find the bed ♪ ♪ maybe she'll forget last night and everything i ♪ ♪ said i'm wondering why dallas did you take her from me everythin' was ♪ ♪ fine out on a beach here in maui we went from chasin' amarillo ♪ ♪ now i'm chasin' memories i'm wondering why did you take her from me ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ why dallas did you take her from me ♪ ♪ everything was perfect out here in nashville tennessee we went from chasing amarillo now i'm chasing ♪ ♪ memories i'm wondering why did you take her roll my heart right ♪ ♪ up and break it yeah why did you take her from me ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this is "nightline." >> byron: tonight, fake botox. health officials sounding the alarm over the rise of counterfeit doses of the cosmetic drug. clusters of injuriefr