To RC Nutella
Here, Reena...
It sounds as if we're going to be trained as gladiators.
Yes, but to fight what?
Oh, good morning, my dear.
You sleep well?
Yes, thanks.
Did you?
Oh, so-so.
I must confess I've been giving a great deal of thought to that business of yesterday,
aren't you?
Oh, there's our hissing friend again.
Yes, yes.
I haven't got long, so listen carefully.
I've managed to get rid of that body, and I don't...
I don't think anyone suspects, but if you delay your action it will be safer.
Which part of my action would you like me to put into effect first?
I leave that to you.
You know my plans of...
Of course, yes, of course, yes, but I don't know the exact details.
I must go.
I'll try and see you later.
There's some sort of conspiracy going on, my child, and I've decided for my own sake
I must get to the bottom of it, and the sooner I do it, the better.
All right, see you later.
Yes.
What?
Where are you going?
Nowhere special, just exploring.
Very well, but don't leave the palace.
It's big enough to get lost in anyway.
And remember, we're only here as observers.
We must not interfere with the course of progress or try to accelerate man's achievements or
progress.
Oh, I'll do what you say, Doctor, but it does seem a bit of a waste.
Bye.
Bye, yes.
Well, I suppose the quickest way is to the top.
I must have a word with Nero.
We must give him some sort of incentive.
Darling, you are the Emperor.
I should think your command will be good enough.
It should be, shouldn't it?
Dearest, which one do you think I should wear?
Oh, that one.
Oh, really?
I would have preferred the other, but if you insist.
It's quite a problem, Poppea.
Yes, both brooches are very attractive.
I was referring to my problem.
Naturally, I appreciate the feelings of my fellow artists.
When Maximus Battalion plays for the court of Rome, he must have the centre of the stage.
He will receive the same rapt and hushed attention that I do when I give a recital.
Well, nearly the same rapt attention as when I play.
Why not hold a banquet this evening?
Maximus can provide the entertainment.
Wonderful idea, a banquet in his honour.
Well, I'd already thought of it as a matter of fact.
You'd better inform him of the arrangements.
Come, Edda.
Titilinus, get off my bed.
Yes, Tavius.
Caesar Nero, we have an audience with the Empress.
We?
Yes, we have an audience with the Empress.
Oh.
Dearest, you were on your way to see Maximus.
No!
Yes.
Oh, wait.
Yes, what is it, Tavius?
I have a new attendant for your staff, madam.
My husband, Caesar Nero, seemed quite taken with you.
Oh, did he, madam?
I like being Empress, and I intend to remain so.
Yes, madam, of course.
Good.
As long as you understand the position.
Now, for your first task, you can clear away my things.
Yes, madam.
This will be in the outer room, if you require me.
I'll just clear these things away, madam.
Yoo-hoo.
I've been waiting for you.
I'm coming after you.
Titilinus!
Titilinus, go away, leave me alone!
You shan't get away from me!
What do you want, child?
Which way did she go?
I beg your pardon.
Anyway, I wanted to have a word with you, Maximus.
It can wait, Maximus, it can wait!
Oh!
It's done!
Oh, what a great man!
What an extraordinary fellow!
So, you've arrived with the great Maximus Petallion, have you?
The court just cannot wait to hear him play, my dear.
They may have to.
What are you doing now, Le Custer?
Preparing a very special poison, my child.
I can guarantee its effect on the victim.
And who's that?
The victim, I mean.
I've no idea, Vicky, nobody's ordered it yet.
But they will.
They will.
I must say, you've got a very unusual sort of a job.
It has its responsibilities.
You're a poisoner to the court of Caesar Nero.
Yes, very responsible.
It must be dangerous, too.
Great Jupiter, know I never drink any of my potions.
No, but I mean, if you poison somebody, don't they take their revenge?
Always.
That's why I'm kept so busy.
But I mean, you...
Oh, I see, you mean revenge against me.
Oh, no, no.
I mean, it's nothing to do with me personally, is it?
I suppose not, if you say so.
But the citizens of Rome, don't they object?
To me?
No.
It's an accepted thing, isn't it?
Almost a tradition, in fact, that the family of Caesar want to murder each other.
After all, everybody would like to be Caesar of Rome, wouldn't they?
I wonder who'll have the honour of being given this.
Shhh.
Cornered at last.
Your Highness, if you don't leave me alone, you will be sent to feed the lions.
Now, go away.
Got it.
Now, young woman, surely you wouldn't refuse me, Claudius Nero, a teeny weeny kiss?
Shouldn't you think about what your wife would say?
Pupilla? Oh, she wouldn't hear of such a thing.
Maximus, go away.
Yes.
Oh, I'm so sorry, madam. I wanted to work with Nero, but I'll come back later.
He seems to be rather busy.
Got you.
Oh, there, darling. Hello.
Enjoying yourself, dearest?
Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were there.
Did you want something?
No.
I've got the most terrible headache, darling.
I simply had to lie down.
Oh.
Extraordinary thing. That strange young woman has been chasing me around all morning.
Don't you want this?
No, no, thank you.
You sure, Ian?
Ian? Is your name Ian?
Yes, it is.
You were planning to meet a woman here?
Her name was Barbara.
Barbara.
Well, where is she now?
I'm sorry, I don't know.
But you just said her name. You must know where she is.
She was here with me, but they took her away to the auction. She never came back.
I suppose she was sold.
Sold?
Sold.
Idiot! Fool!
I'll teach you to find that other guard!
Guard! You idiot!
Guards, come here!
Where shall I get hold of you? I'll teach you!
Get out of my way, Tremendous! Did you see what he did?
Of course I did, yes, of course I did.
Take him away and banish him.
And don't let him ever appear in here again, ever.
Ever!
I've got you now, you moron.
You've come to your senses.
You're in a better place now.
You see how I managed to get you here and the way you handled that stupid fellow.
Hey, dear. Most impressive.
I'm glad you noticed.
Yes, it was enormous control.
You understand, of course, I only took the sword to frighten him.
He realized that, of course, immediately.
Yes.
I was going to do something, you know.
You did say that perhaps we could have a little talk in here.
Of course I did, yes, indeed, yes.
For what?
Oh yes, on my arrival I was rather under the impression that there was some sort of intrigue
going on here.
But nobody said anything to me, nobody said a word and I am always informed of intrigues.
Who was it?
Oh it's just a feeling, just a feeling.
You know, after all, I mean in position with your skill, surely you've experienced troubled
vibrations.
Troubled vibrations?
Oh, well of course.
Yes, I rather thought you'd had it.
Oh, I have had it.
No, I thought maybe it was just because I was feeling hungry, you know.
No, no, you've just had it.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, you're just...
There is a banquet tonight and you are invited.
Oh, how charming of you.
Thank you.
I'm delighted.
Delighted.
It will be a splendid audience for your first concert.
Yes, yes, I rather thought it might be.
You understand what you must do, La Custer?
Yes, madam.
Get the attendant to serve these drinks to Cesar Nero when he is with your new slave.
Correct.
is to have the special one.
Come with me, I'll point her out to you.
That'll pay to any ambition she has to be Empress.
The preparations for the banquet are underway, Maximus.
You will have to play as you have never played before.
Too true.
Too true, Sir Lysel.
Prepare, my darling.
I do wish you could find time to look in the banqueting hall.
I think the arrangements are suitable, but do you have much more artistic appreciation
for that sort of thing?
Of course I have.
I'll see to it at once.
Excuse me.
Pardon me, Madam, I must go about my business.
Hello, Doctor.
Solved your problem?
No, I haven't, child, no.
I raised the question with our illustrious Caesar, but I'm afraid that was a mistake.
That's rare for you, isn't it?
Never mind about that.
Have you explored the court?
Yes, it's marvellous.
Oh, I'm sure you've got a lot of work to do.
I'm sure you've got a lot of work to do.
Oh, and guess what?
What, haven't any idea?
There's going to be a feast tonight.
Oh, so I heard, my dear.
Yes, so I heard, and there's going to be rather an unusual entertainer.
Me.
Oh, there you are.
Now, close your eyes and Nero will give you a big surprise.
Pardon?
Close your eyes.
Caesar orders it.
There.
Well, aren't you going to thank me for the present?
Go away!
I would like to drink to your health, Caesar Nero.
Oh, would you?
Oh, well, very well.
So, you've had a busy day, Vicky.
Yes, it was.
Oh, something else I forgot to tell you.
I think I've poisoned Nero.
Really?
What?
Well, I didn't actually do it, but his wife was going to murder some poor slave or other,
and I didn't see why that should happen, so I thought, who did you ask?
That happens second to nothing.
Keep quiet.
What did you do?
Well, I swapped the drinks for him.
And I told you not to interfere with history.
Come along, quickly, quickly, child.
You must wait upon me personally at the banquet tonight, my dear.
You must excuse me.
Caesar Nero, don't drink!
I'm not.
I have every reason to believe that drink is poison.
Oh, yes, I can't help it.
Oh, yes, thank heavens I got to you in time.
My dear, you probably saved my life.
If only I could lay my hands on whoever was responsible.
Quite so, quite so.
Well, now, if you'll excuse us, sir, I have to practice, a great deal of practice before tonight's recital.
The title.
Tigillinus.
He was right.
I wish you'd sit down.
There must be something we could do, Delos.
We can't wait.
When we get out of here, I'm going to comb all the slave markets, question everybody.
Someone must remember.
Here, you've got to worry about yourself, otherwise it's the arena, and then...
You stupid fool!
There's no answer to failure.
I would have sworn it would be...
I'm tired of your feeble excuses.
Guards, guards!
Take her!
You can send your screams to the arena now.
Take her away!
Get her out!
If she goes on eating, there won't be enough.
More wine, Maximus?
Everything's set for tomorrow.
Be ready.
Of course, of course.
I must ask you...
What does he mean, Doctor... Maximus?
I've no idea what he's talking about, child.
Well, then, how are you going to get out of the concert this evening?
Oh, I'm not.
You can't play the liar, Doctor.
Can't I, child?
Can't I?
You can't.
What are you doing?
She isn't here, dearest.
Who?
The new girl.
I'm keeping her very busy.
Her?
New girl?
Oh, her?
Oh, my dear, she was mild, and I thought I was looking to see if everybody finished.
Silence!
There will now be a further feast of music.
I give you the great Corinthian liar player, Maximus Petallion.
Thank you.
You are all so kind.
With Caesar's permission, I would like to play my new composition in honor of this occasion.
The music is so soft, so delicate, that only those with keen perceptive hearing will be
able to distinguish this melodious charm of music.
I would like to play my new composition in honor of this occasion.
Thank you.
He's all right, but he's not all that good.
Doctor, it was wonderful.
It's the old fairy story, child.
The emperor's new clothes.
Yes, I gave it as an idea to Hans Anderson.
How dare you make a fool of me?
You must know that I am the greatest talent in the world.
No one gets applause like that except me.
I'll teach him a lesson.
It's a wonderful idea.
I'm surprised.
I have a creative mind.
I'll put it into operation at once.
Guards!
Tell my wife, tell Poppea, that I have gone to the gladiatorial school.
No better than that.
You come with me.
But I...
No, no arguments.
I won't have any arguments.
Tell me, have you ever seen a fight?
No, I haven't.
Then I'll arrange one while we're there.
I feel like seeing someone hurt myself tonight.
Come, quickly.
What's this for?
The caesarean I want you to put on a fight for him.
Fight?
Against what?
Each other.
And if we refuse, he'll have you killed.
This way at least one of you has a chance.
A good winner sometimes earns his freedom.
I'm going to fight you, Ian.
Are you, Dilos?
You're my friend.
Remember that.
But as he says, at least this way one of us has a chance.
By killing the other.
I promise you one thing.
If I win, I'll make it quick for you.
The real reason for this visit, Scepteria,
is for you to arrange an appearance for Maximus Battalion in the arena.
The lyre player?
Yes, he's at the court.
I wish to arrange for him to appear in the circus for the people of Rome.
Oh, they'll appreciate that, Cisnero.
Yes, they'll appreciate it even more when you set the lions on him
in the middle of his wretched performance.
The lions?
That's what I said, the lions.
He humiliated me, that's what he did.
He humiliated me.
Maximus Battalion?
They all applauded, as though it was me.
Ian.
Well, commence the fight.
Why didn't he kill him, the fool, why didn't he kill him?
Cut off his head.