(suspense music) ♪ i caught you watching ♪ me under the light ♪ ♪ can i realign ♪ ♪ they say it's easy to leave you behind ♪ ♪ i don't wanna try ♪ ♪ cut cover take that test ♪ ♪ hold courage to your chest ♪ ♪ don't wanna wait for you ♪

♪ don't wanna have to lose ♪ ♪ all that i've compromised ♪ ♪ to feel another high ♪ - i mean, c'mon now. how old is he? - 20. - (laughs) he looks about 12. - well, he wasn't. - do you love me? - oh my god. yes. - well, i had to say it first, didn't i? - i said it back very quickly. - out of politeness. what's your fantasy? - what's my fantasy? - fantasy. - i don't know, i'm just happy to be alive. - what if we filmed it? - no, no, that's too dangerous. - well, then i'd delete it. - no. no, what's the... you want me to dress up or something? maybe i could tie you to a chair, what about that? - really?

- yeah, that's a thing. like a kidnap, it would be like a kidnap. - and then what? - demand a ransom. call your family and demand a ransom. - you need to find some way to get over yourself. you're gonna end up alone. - i think... i think i love you. it took a while because if we believe that the self is an illusion-- - what does that mean? - i don't know, that we're, you know, it's physics. - physics. - okay, look, what do those words mean? you put words to it. i mean, like, aye, what is that suppose to be? i mean, aye? - yeah, yeah, yeah. listen, listen, listen. i don't know what the fuck you're on about. - what i feel is that we are love. that's the thing, there's no separation. and you, you're me. and the table. - do you love the table? do you love me more than the table or the same? - it's all... i don't know what i'm trying to say. - how about you just go fuck the table? - what's wrong with it?

- nothing. - it's not too funny? - i don't think so. - would it have been seen if we made it black and white? where's he going? maybe we should just, um... or what if... i don't know. - ben, it's really good. - shouldn't just keep one with the scenes with the monk? - ben. - just one. i feel like i've mirrored something about a couple who don't get on. - it's about a man who's so defended that he's incapable of love. isn't it? - say it again? look, what about if we just looked at the first monk scene. - we're picture locked. why do we need a monk? - they don't know who i am if this isn't good.

i think it's not as good. i just want someone to say, "you've done a good thing, now you can rest," just rest. - okay. why don't you come and sit down for a minute? come on. - maybe i could be a farmer. - maybe. - how is this compared to... - don't do that. look, some people will quite like it and other people won't be that into it. - why? who? - and then, quite soon enough all of those people, each and every one of them, will die. won't they? - hopefully. - we're all going to die. we're all going to die. we're all going to die. that better? (slow music)

- hello, happy. we're all right, aren't we? (slow music) - everything is dominated by one's self. and what to find not loved, and what. to be awakened, to be free,

is to see there is no self. can we sit in meditation? find out who we really are? (paper crumpling) (fridge door opening) (crushing) - [male] not in my white house. c.j., show these people out. (vomiting)

- [benjamin] well, what do you suggest? (phone ringing) hello? - [billie] hi, it's me. - yes, c'mon up, (mumbles). yeah, c'mon. (knocking) - hi. - hi. c'mon in. - benjamin, i'm so late. - no, no, no, you're not late. c'mon on in, hiya. - god, you're quite far down, aren't you? i had to get a tube which was... - well, thanks for coming to me with the scripts. - excuse me, sorry. i am late, aren't i? - no, no, i just had a bit of emergency with the cat. - yeah, i thought something smelled a bit odd. - oh, god. really? - no, it's fine. it's not overwhelming. is it a big cat?

try one with a smile. (camera shuttering) just try one and then we've got the choice. - [photographer] can you just pull that bit of hair down? - no, no. i don't really. - [photographer] okay, that there. - [billie] that's it, that's it. - there, like this? - [billie] no, what you just did. - okay. - [photographer] yeah. - [billie] but, like, that expression. like laugh, laugh. - laugh? - [billie] yeah. - [photographer] yeah, so nose up a bit. - okay (laughs). - [photographer] that's it. and look at the window. - [billie] can you, like... your nostrils look quite big. - i'm not flaring them. - the hand was good. - [photographer] hold that, hold that. - other hand, other hand, other hand. there, other one down, on your knee. yep, okay, all right. - that's really good. that's really good. - uh, yeah. um, should we talk about the film? just to- - [benjamin] yeah, please. - yeah? and maybe that will... cool.

i really just need two lines for the top of the press release. should we say it's about an, i really don't wanna say an abusive relationship. um, say, difficult? - well, i don't know. i think we should maybe focus more on the loss of self-esteem that comes from being in a-- - so, loss of- loss of self esteem. - [benjamin] self-esteem, yeah. - loss of self-esteem. - should we try and get some with the award in it as well? - yes. yes. - [benjamin] what? really? - yeah, yeah. - no, i mean, i wouldn't want it to be like it was this thing i won seven years ago. - can we open a window? it's been quite a while since, happy came out, which i loved by the way, as you know. - thank you (laughs). - i guess people will wanna know why. - yeah. well, i think it just took me a while to come up with something i wasn't, i don't know. i think when people say that they like what you've done, it's best to just stop doing it or they could start hating you. ideally, i would've just made that film and died. is that not a good answer?

- should we just say you're a perfectionist? (phone buzzing) urgh. do you know what? i'm gonna have to get this. i'm really sorry. - that's okay. - martha, i'm in the cab right now. yeah. sorry, he took longer than i thought. no, he was yesterday. he lives alone. small? okay, yep, right. love you, bye. do you know martha franklin? - no. i don't really know anyone. - she's having a thing on friday, to launch her new chairs, you should come. i'll put you on invite. - no, i'm okay. i don't really like going anywhere i haven't been before. - mm, do you have any wine? (laughs) is it too early for wine? - i don't really drink. - huh? - sorry, i don't know, would you, what about, do you want some cocaine? - do you have some? - no, no, sorry, i'm joking. i've got coconut water. it's a chair party. it's the launch of a chair.

pretty sure it's up here. what are you doing? - so frigid. - you're not allowed to touch me. - i must touch you. - no, please do not touch me. - yeah, you go in. i'll... - no, what? c'mon. - it's a children's party. - benjamin. you came. - [benjamin] oh, yeah, of course we did. - [stephen] we're the past. - [benjamin] we're not the past. - hi, i'm billie. - stephen. - stephen is a comedian. - really? - i'm not funny. - okay, great. so it's all quite arty and young and we've all such great skill i don't think it's gonna be a problem. - [harry] oh, my days. benji. - [benjamin] harry? what are- - yes. - (laughs) oh, mate. - [billie] how do you two know each other? oh my god, you did a film together. - hey, man, what's up? - hey, i like your clothes. - thank you. yeah, thank you. - you know, i invented harry, right? - are you two?

- what we're doing? - oh, no. - harry's not someone who likes to define things or be specific about words that mean things. - yeah, you know, it's just good to have someone you can call in the middle of the day and go, "there's some table tennis tables in the local park "and there's a sports store right nearby. "why don't we get some bats and balls "and play table tennis?" - (laughs) yeah. - drink? oh, no, of course not. what about you? beer? wine? - i try not to drink in the week. - why? - [stephen] vodka coke? - [billie] there you go. - [speaker 12] i really like that it's something you'd want to sit on. - [speaker 13] thank you. - [billie] there's nothing i can get you? - do they have water? - cool. - gosh, you're still bigging it? - try to be cool. (stephen laughs) - sorry. - is he okay? - he has a cough. - i'm fine. (slow music) - what is it? what's happening? ♪ why be so shy ♪ ♪ come and swim in the park with us ♪

- [benjamin] who's that singer, billie? - [billie] good point. - i need to make him wanna be with me? i'm very lonely. - definitely say that to him. maybe lose the coat. it's really good to see you, to meet you, henry. - stephen. - steven, i knew that. with a v. - p-h. - good for you. ♪ and i don't wanna go if you don't come ♪ ♪ i don't wanna leave you here with him ♪ ♪ don't make me go ♪ ♪ don't make me go ♪ ♪ but you're braver ♪ than you think you are ♪ ♪ i can meet the monster once a week ♪ - can we sit down somewhere? ♪ it's only now ♪ ♪ all the time he'd faze under the light ♪

- [benjamin] how old is he, do we think? - [stephen] i don't think we should dwell on it. - [benjamin] okay. - [stephen] he's very good looking. - oh, god, he's ridiculous. i should have never have left the flat. this is weird, look, here it is again. the thin boy on stage. - yeah, you just like people who are well lit and weak, don't you? ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ - maybe i should get him to talk films like i'm some sort of success again. - maybe you should talk to him before just in case. - that film's all i've got. - just go and speak to him. - won't he laugh at me? - no. - okay, c'mon. why aren't you standing? - you go, i'll hold the fort. - what fort are you holding? ♪ i'd be your toy ♪ ♪ i'm not the boy you think ♪ you want in your life ♪ ♪ i can be yours ♪ ♪ i can be anything at all ♪

♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ (clapping) - thank you. - i think he looked at me. - sure it wasn't middle distance? - sure, it's okay. he's just a person in a room. - [billie] what's your name? - noah. - you okay? - yeah, i'm just trying to find my breath. - found it? - yep. - [billie] so, this is the award-winning benjamin oliver. this is the shockingly brilliant, noah. - noah, like noah. hi, i'm benjamin. - hi, nice to meet you. - great gig, man. - you're really good at singing, congratulations. - thanks, we're kind of a mess, but... - no. you were very clean. very tight, very solid. and you're french too, that's exciting, isn't it? - yeah, i suppose so. - i'm a big fan of les mis. - oh. - noah's studying music at guild hall. - oh, really, wow.

that's the good one, isn't it? have you had any drugs yet? - you should come to a screening with me of benjamin's film. - yes, i've made a film. i'm a film person. - what's it about? - my inability to love. i'm fine now and we're writing a musical about depression. are you hungry? we should eat maybe rather than standing and talking about everybody sitting making route. - i know a vegetarian place. - i'm vegan. - me too. - we should get married. or we could just eat some vegan things. - they have veg dumplings. - well, we should get dumplings then. you like dumplings, don't you? - yeah. - dumplings? - i can't eat dumplings. - i'll see you at the (mumbles)? - the (mumbles), what a relief, yeah. - okay, and your other friend? - yes, great news, dumplings. - oh, god. - that was horrific. - no, what was? - put your number in there. - okay. (slow music)

(train engine roaring) - [benjamin] dumplings. - [stephen] you did it. - [benjamin] i just kept saying the word dumplings. - [stephen] well, that's how you get dumplings. - (laughs) sorry, it's my laugh. nothing can be done. - you should probably talk to him at some point. - i think we're fine. he asked me about these parties. with your sister and her friends. - [stephen] maybe he just wants to know more about asparagus. - [benjamin] okay. i'm gonna go to the toilet and then on the way back, i'll say hello and then i'm gonna ask him to move in with me. - hey. - oh. hello. - sorry, i was getting bored at the other table. - yeah, it must be terrible down there. - so, sell this side to me. - uh, oh, stephen and i were just talking about the lights.

- actually, uh, i'm gonna head off. - where are you going? - sorry, i'm just tired. i'll get the next one though. - i'll look after him. - noah's looking after me. - [stephen] make sure he does a wee-wee before bed. - what do you think is going to happen, stephen? we're just eating dumplings. - [stephen] okay. night. - night (laughs). - so. (laughs) - why are you laughing? - oh, your band are so sweet. - yeah, they're cool, i know. they liked you. - really? - yeah. - well that's-- that's very good. um, all right, well, i guess we better both go to our respective homes and sleep, right? - yeah. ben, how do i see your film? - oh, yes, yeah. i can sort that out. i know the people. it's in two weeks, are you free? or hopefully you'll be free. should i give you my number? - yeah, sure. - okay. okay, should i set it up later, or type it in, or?

- uh, i don't know, just in. - oh, okay. - yeah. - [benjamin] all right, right. (laughs) all right i think that, i think that's it. is that it? - yeah. - great. - perfect. - okay. uh, should we, uh, hug? - (laughs) sure. - oh, oh, and great singing, by the way. i was, i was memorized. - be careful of this car. - [ben] oh, yeah. sorry. (slow music) (phone ringing) - miss me already?

uh, yes. um, yeah, i just need to figure out how to do that. and where do you live? or do you wanna-- do you wanna come back to me? i'm just getting off the bus. (keys jingling) - [noah] oh, do you play? - [benjamin] no, no, very badly. i can juggle. (cat meowing) - oh, you have a cat. - yes, here, i have a cat. do you want something to drink? i don't really have anything. do you want some water? - yeah, yeah, sure. "what is a person?" oh my god. is that not high enough? - [benjamin] well, i haven't read that, i just thought it was a good question. who are we, you know, who are we? - yeah. - do you wanna see a bit of the film? - uh, yeah. - you can tell me if you think it's any good. - okay.

- [harry] it's your fantasy. - [benjamin] okay, all right then. right. - [harry] tell me what you're gonna do to me. - well, i, maybe upset you. - how? - with my, uh, you can't talk. you're not allowed to talk. maybe i should gag you. do i have a gag? - what happens if i talk? (laughs) - oh my god. - what? - oh, sorry. i... - c'mon. - i don't know how i'm supposed to be. - hey, try to do voice. - well, what voice should i do? - scottish. - here we are then. (laughs) - [harry] okay, maybe not an old woman. - here we are. - stop saying here we are, we know where we are. would it be better if i tied you up? - no, no. i'm gonna go out and i'm gonna come back again. - [harry] okay. - hello.

(noah laughs) so what do you think? funny? sexy? - both, both. you look kind of elfin. - really? - yeah. - do you like elves? maybe we should kiss, is that a good idea at that stage in our lives? - yeah, okay. - sorry, i'm a child of divorce. - me too. - and vegan. this is a dream. do you want to talk about the divorce? - not really. - i was 13. - i was five. - do you know it wasn't your fault? (kissing) where do you want me? - stop talking. - okay, okay. keep talking? no. (kissing) (sentimental music)

- hi, i'm really sorry, my mom's coming over so it's probably best if you're not here when she here. - oh, all right, yeah. - it was so good to meet you. - [stephen] sure, sure. - um. - [stephen] well, maybe it's time i met your mother. - hmm? - [stephen] no, i'll be, i'll be quicker. - cool (laughs). - [stephen] yeah, that was-- that was it. that was, um, what-- what do you think about, uh, maybe we should... would you like to get some dinner some time? - what do you mean? - [stephen] would you like to have dinner with me? - oh my god, i'm seeing someone.

- oh, right. the actor. - um, yeah. why won't that little shit text me back? - i'm sure he will. - uh, cool, okay, um. - i love you. i don't, uh, it's a joke. - yeah, i got it. - yeah. - should we maybe not tell benjamin about this just 'cause it's, um... - [stephen] oh, yeah. - it's probably not a good idea, so. - [stephen] sure. yeah, good idea. yeah, well, i'll miss you. - is that another one? - [stephen] yes. - cool. um, see ya. (door slamming) (piano playing)

- hey. - hi. sorry, i was just staring at you. i'm benjamin. - hi benjamin, i'm noah. - what about all that sex, huh? (laughs) (playing piano)

- what was that? - oh, i don't know. i like your place, it's pretty cool. - [benjamin] is it? take anything you want. do you want a piano? have a piano. okay, this is a good porridge. we're all going to have a lovely time. what's your type? or what do you usually go for? - i-- i always end up with geeks like you. - [benjamin] oh, good. - shit. - what happened? - oh, there was a manager at the party, just said he doesn't want to manage us. - [benjamin] oh, who is this guy? is he-- - it's quite a big deal. - oh, well, i don't know if this is helpful,

but external validation isn't everything. like, what's important is that you know that you're great. - yeah, that isn't helpful. - okay. um, i think you'll get another manager. - yeah, sorry, i just-- i just don't want to go home yet. - [benjamin] well, you won't. you mustn't. - okay, listen. - [benjamin] oh, no. what? oh, you don't have to eat the porridge. don't let me pressure you into porridge. - no, no. uh, is it-- is it weird if we carry on hanging out? if you have stuff to do, i'll go. - i've got nothing. no, yeah, go on. uh, what should we do with our lives? - we could-- we could get some mushrooms. - magic mushrooms? or just mushrooms. - magic mushrooms. - uh, yeah that sounds-- that sounds fun. let's get some of those mushrooms. - yeah? - mm-hmm. - cool, so with the porridge? - oh, fuck the porridge. no, no, we'll eat the porridge. - okay.

oh shit (laughs). - [benjamin] that's thick, oh my god. the continental breakfast thing. i don't understand what that means. what does that, i mean, what-- what are they trying to suggest? oh my god, where's she going? - [noah] where's she going? - i'm gonna have to talk to her. is that okay? - yeah. - oh. are you thirsty? - yes. we will get water, how will we do this? shop? okay, sh sh. (slow music)

- this one. - you want those ones? - yeah. - [benjamin] hi. - it's one pound twenty. - now that sounds reasonable. one pound twenty. there you are, money for the water. money for the water. (chuckling) oh my god, we can't go in shops. - [noah] you're quite funny. - [benjamin] am i? - [noah] yeah. - [benjamin] i used to be really funny then i lived with someone who didn't laugh and i got a bit rusty. - [noah] why did you live with someone who didn't laugh?

- [benjamin] i don't know. i thought it was better than dying alone. (laughs) ♪ isn't it weird ♪ ♪ isn't it strange ♪ ♪ even though we're just two strangers ♪ ♪ on this runaway train ♪ ♪ we're both trying to ♪ find a place in the sun ♪ (cars honking) - [photographer] over here. to your left, thanks. smile. (cameras shuttering) - you all right? - yeah. - oh, hi. how are you? - yeah, i'm okay, thanks. yeah, yeah. are you excited about the film? - why are you being weird? - what? - you didn't tell ben, did you? - no, don't worry, i'm not gonna. - 'cause you know nothing's going to happen, right?