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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  April 19, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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>> that is true. >> from disbursing too much throughout the city. a fun event for the people that go. th ks for captioning sponsored by cbs >> in a jolt to how we travel. a judge struck down the biden administration's mask mandate for planes, trains, and public transportation. but for many people on a plane learning they can finally de-mask, this reaction: ( ♪ "celebration" ♪ )
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>> shut off that music! get off my plane! >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight: masking for trouble. and "rescue dog rescue" with oscar isaac. plus, stephen welcomes: neil degrasse tyson
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and comedian emmy blotnick featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, man, good to see you! hey, louis. happy tuesday! thank you so much. please have a seat, everybody. welcome, one and all to "the late show." the.
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i am your host, stephen colbert. i'm sure like all of you in here and watching out there, i'd always hoped i'd live to see the end of the covid safety precautions, we get to burn our masks at a bonfire, and then do something crazy like make out or eat free grocery store samples. but turns out, that's not how pandemics end: not with a bang, but with a court order. because last night, out of the blue, a federal judge struck down the mask mandate for plane >> which is great news for anyone who rode public transit and say this is too sanitary "this is too sanitary." no surprise, the ruling comes from a tampa-based federal judge. you can't let florida make health decisions for the entire country. the florida-- ( cheering )
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this judge claimed the limited to things like cleaning property, not requiring people to take hygienic steps. yes, you cannot force people to follow basic hygiene. you can only make them clean surfaces. explains the new bathroom sign: "before returning to work, employees must wash this sign." the judge-- ( applause ) sure the judge clarified her ruling, explaining, "wearing a mask cleans nothing. at most, it traps virus droplets." that's the mask's job, you dummy! so my droplets don't get on you! that's like saying, this diaper is useless. every time i put one on my baby, it fills up with poop! that's not doing anything! the genius jurist behind this ruling is judge kathryn mizelle,
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a 35-year-old appointed by the former president-- after he lost the 2020 election. at the time, mizelle received a "not qualified" rating from the american bar association and had never tried a criminal or civil case. you do not want a judge with zero cases under her belt: "council will approach the bench and explain to me what this tiny wooden hammer is for. am i supposed to tenderize the jury?" ( laughter ) immediately after the ruling, all major air carriers, including american airlines, united airlines, and delta air lines, relaxed the restrictions, effective immediately, which these passengers found out mid-flight: >> ( over intercom ) it's over, immediately. congratulations ( applause ) >> stephen: "congratulations" is an odd way to announce the lifting of a safety measure: ( as captain ) "this is your captain speaking. congrats, the mask mandate has been repealed. while we're at it, i've turned
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off the seatbelt sign, disabled the lavatory smoke detector, and we're hosting knife fights in the cockpit. ( laughter ) cabin door is closed and locked. there is no escape. let the 'hunger games' begin. may the odds be ever in your favor." now, look, people-- ( applause ) people ♪ celebrate all celebrate and have-- look, people can take this news however they want, but it's unfair for people who might be immunocompromised or flying with unvaxxed kids to change the rules mid-flight. that's like being told halfway through the dinner party that it's an orgy. ( laughter ) i wasn't prepared for an orgy. i'm all filled up on dinner rolls. ( laughter ) will and i'm wearing the wrong underwear. ( laughter ) one imagines you'd wear delta upd webse to
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say masks are now optional for employees and customers following the white house announcement, while spirit airlines released this cocktail napkin: "spirit has never valued human life." ( laughter ) i the m.t.a. in new york city said it would keep its mask mandate in place. so if you are-- ( applause ) yeah,s yeah, good for them. if you are riding the subway, remember, masks are mandatory. pants, still optional. the guy in the coroner is obeying the rules. the timing of this ruling, i have to say, is not the best. thanks to the ba.2 subvariant, nationally, cases are up by over 43%. with cases rising like this, i don't think we should get our health regulations from some
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federal judge. that's the job of the c.d.c. but you know who disagrees with me? the c.d.c. because they're sending out a new message on covid behaviors: it's your call. that's not how public safety works. you don't see signs at the pool that say, "shallow water. no diving. or go for it melanie!" public health officials are now leaving it up to people to assess if they need booster shots, whether to wear a mask, and how long to isolate after a positive test. no! no, no, no! don't leave it up to people. have you met people? ( laughter ) we make terrible decisions. you know who eats at the cheesecake factory? people do. they serve an appetizer that is just cheeseburger. in international news, france is sidentialheaded tow
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election that could have huge consequences for europe. the leading candidate is french president emmanuel macron, seen here impressing voters with a story about catching a cigarette this big. he's running against far-right candidate, and most sophisticated woman at the nickel slots, marine le pen. ( laughter ) le pen is an anti-immigrant extremist with a history of praising putin, and even receiving funding from a russian bank. macron is running to keep the western alliance alive, and with the stakes this high, he's got a bold new campaign strategy: posting thirst traps on insta. zut alors! that is not a fur t-shirt. that's his chest hair. not only does the carpet match the drapes. it is wall to wall, baby. that is indoor/outdoor. you get a kick out of that. if this works, it will set a new standard for campaigns
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everywhere. biden's got to show a little sock garter for the mid-terms. boris johnson has to give us a peek under the haystack. and justin trudeau has to show us his butt. ( cheers and applause ) he's not up-- sure. he's not up for reelection. it would just be a treat. you know you could snap a pool cue over that thing. you could bounce a 'twoney' off that thing, get back two 'looneys.' baby got back, bacon, is what i'm saying. macron's full chest bush wasn't the only thing catching people's attention.■ eagle-eyed viewers also noticed that, in the picture, he has two cell phones. that's just how they do it in france. you got your main phone and your mistress phone, which is on france's top cellular network: menage-a-t-et-t.
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we've got a great show for you tonight. my guest is neil degrasse tyson, but when we come back, oscar isaac is here with puppies! ( cheers and applause )
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while. i hope he's wearing a vest tonight. >> jon: oh, yeah, he has those
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cool vests. >> stephen: sometimes he wears it, sometimes he doesn't. i have a lot of money on him wearing the vest tonight. i'm also going to try to get him to admit pluto is a planet. >> jon: i don't think he wants to go there. >> stephen: he may not want to, but i'll work him, i'll work him. folks, putin's invasion of ukraine has repeatedly targeted civilians and created a humanitarian disaster. but there's one organization that's been on the ground helping people from the very beginning has been chef jose andres' world central kitchen. ( cheers and applause ) lovely fellow. another friend of the show. so far, in this conflict, they have served over 10.3 million meals, in more than 80 ukrainian cities and towns, along with more than 60 refugee assistance centers. but on saturday, one of his charity kitchens was destroyed by a missile, which is horrible0
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>> we got four wounded friends, but they're okay. and today, they moved the kitchen. they are going to be cooking tomorrow in another location. you see, the goodness always shines through. and we are going to keep cooking and feeding as many people as we can, and we only do it because we have your support. >> stephen: they're gonna keep cooking. and if you'd like to help support world central kitchen do that in ukraine and around the world, visit their website, worldcentralkitchen.org. and please tune in two weeksat 0 be chef jose andres himself. catch it. ( cheers and applause ). now folks -- wonderful+++ great human being. folks, as i'm sure you know, i'm a huge fan of dogs. not only are they man's best friend. they're the only friend you're allowed to put on a leash in public.at &f &c1 &d0 &q6 s37=5 0 rescue." where we help find homes for real rescue puppies.
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and i'm proud to say that so far we have a perfect record of every single dog we've featured getting adopted! which is why-- ( applause ). which is why tonight, i'mat &f 0 for another edition of "rescue dog rescue." ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, if you've watched before, you know how she works. we're about to show you some adorable puppies that are actually up for adoption through north shore animal league america. and to make sure these dogs find a forever home, we have made up flattering lies about each of these puppies to make you want to adopt them even more. now, if only there were some celebrity willing to help me. >> hey, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) did i hear celebrity? i dp. good to see you!
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>> stephen: oscar isaac! hole you cow! >> hi. >> stephen: man, oscar, oscar, what on earth are you doing here?at &f &c1 &d0 &q6 s37=5 n00 rescue dog. >> stephen: what's it about? >> well, it's about a group of puppies that form an n.h.l. team. it's called "stanley pup." >> stephen: really? >> no, no, i'm just practicing lying about dogs! >> stephen: oh, wow, you are good, so good. >> stephen: you are good. let's get these puppies adopted! first up, this is sterling. sterling has memorized all the bathroom codes for every starbucks in the country. adopt him and say good-bye to all those awkward looks from the barista when you rush in and don't buy anything. >> great.
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okay, this little one, this is alma. that means soul in spanish. she is a champion marathon runner. even better, she's agreed to attach your fitbit to her collar so now all those steps can be yours. ( laughter ) ( applause ) alma! >> stephen: this is babs. you know that thing when you order a milkshake and they bring out an extra portion in a metal cup? that was her idea! ( cheers and applause ) >> good job, babes. >> oh, hey! this is goose. hey, goose! look at goose. goose was one of my co-stars in the movie "dune." yeah, she played the most challenging role of all: timothee chalamet's soft, fluffy hair. ( laughter ) ( applause )
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>> stephen: hard to wrangle. >> it's really hard to wrangle. >> stephen: this is chantal. while you're sleeping, chantal goes to your computer and unsubscribes from all the spam e-mails clogging your inbox. ( cheers and applause ) hello! hello! so in the morning, the only "special offer" waiting for you is a snuggle-- and probably boner pills. ( laughter ). >> you're going to need those. >>tephen: , >> this little bitch right here is maggie. she is a huge "star wars" fan who goes to all the conventions and one time even got to meetat0 tell you what han solo's butt smells like. ( laughter ). >> stephen: oh, wow. this is drinkles. he cleans up at the craps table,
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but you will have to clean up the craps floor. well, that does it-- that does it for "rescue dog rescue"! head to the late show's website, colbertlateshow.com for how to adopt these dogs from north shore animal league america. and head to disney+ to see oscar isaac in "moon knight." oscar isaac, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back. will we? we will. to the people who reach into a carton of warm, crispy, golden, perfectly salted mcdonald's world famous fries, and return with just one. who are you? and how do you do that? ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. folks. my guest tonight is america's favorite astrophysicist and the director of the hayden planetarium at the museum of natural history. please welcome back to "the late show," neil degrasse tyson.
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♪ ♪ ♪ ( applause ) always a pleasure. always a pleasure. neil, good to see you again. >>ing with, thank you! over there on the band, too. >> stephen: oh, come on. give it up for the band. ( cheers and applause ) jammin'. i was shaking everything backstage. i just couldn't stop moving because the sound moves through the walls. i'm with you on that. >> stephen: and how does sound work, neil? >> it's a medium through which to travel. >> stephen: thank you very much. >> which means in space most "star wars" movies would be silent. >> stephen: wow. >> because an explosion -- >> stephen: no one can hear you jazz. >> correct. no one can hear you scream or explode. >> stephen: listen, you're mr. . everyone is going to space these days. why haven't you been yet? why haven't you gone up with elon or branson or-- >> bezos. >> stephen: yeah.
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>> bezos and branson, i'm an astrophysicist. so we ask, "how high up did they go?" ask me that. >> stephen: how high up did they go? >> remember your school room globe in the back. >> stephen: i do. >> how high above a school room globe, the thickness of two dimes is how high up they went. >> stephen: 100 kilometers, something like that. >> at most! >> stephen: i'm on your side, man. year in this together. i'm just asking questions, and you're giving answers. no one's attacking you. >> at most. so people say, "oh, i can see no borders will of the countries." that's true from an airplane, too. right. ( laughter ) so -- >> stephen: that's true. >> generally. >> stephen: so you're not impressed? >> it's better than not doing that. if billionaires are going to compete at something let it be that and not how big your yacht is. i don't have a problem with it. but as an astrophysicist -- >> stephen: you haven't been invited on one of those yachts.
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>> originally, i said i'm not going up until one of them sends their mother and bring her back safe. but then they sent william shatner, who is 90, so that counts. that counts. you send up william shatner and bring him back space, that counts. >> stephen: some say they went to space. did they go to space? >> an an astrophysicist space is moon, mars, and beyond, rather than going boldly where others have gone before. >> stephen: you're saying orbit is not space. ( applause ). >> there's the carmen line. >> stephen: where is that? >> just the way you said that. >> stephen: where is that. >> "where is that?" carmen line is the place as you ascend our atmosphere, where there's not enough air molecules above you to scatter sunliept and turn the sky blue. so you go up in a perfectly blue daytime sky, and the blue slowly disappears, and then the stars come out, in broad daylight, along with the sun. that's the carmen line.
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>> stephen: how high is that? >> that's about 100 kilometers. >> stephen: i said that. >> you did say that. but i'm saying why should the definition of space be limited to earth,'s atmosphere. if earth's atmosphere was half as thick, it would be 50 kilometers. if we didn't have an atmosphere, would we all be in space now? by that definition, the answer would be yes, so that's not my -- >> stephen: neil, i don't know how to break it to you, but we are in space right now. >> that's good enough for me. >> stephen: dijust blow your mind, neil? >> we all are aboard spaceship earth. >> stephen: that's exactly right. >> thank you for telling me i was right on that. thank you. >> stephen: you're welcome. i know you love hearing it. ( laughter ) okay. >> what? >> stephen: i think that's your ring tone, "neil, you're right. neil, you're right." we have to take a break, but we'll be right back, and i will ask neil what his favorite question about the universe is. stick around.
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want more restful sleep? nature's bounty gives you more with sleep3. the first ever triple action sleep supplement with 3 unique nighttime benefits to help you get a great night's sleep and wake feeling refreshed. live bountifully. nature's bounty. ( applause ). >> stephen: hey, everybody, here here with the here here with the author of "welcome to the universe in 3d," neil degrasse tyson. the jet propulsion laboratory wanted to send a message out to the universe to tell extra 3d," neil degrasse tyson. et plsbora
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wanted to send a message out to the universe to tell extra terrestrials where we are and a map of our genome. are you in favor of this? >> in the old days i would have been, but i thought about that, and you wouldn't give your email address to a stranger in the street who is your own species. and now we're going to give the return address to earth for aliens. i don't know if that's a good idea. i'm just -- >> stephen: is it possible for us to hide, though? >> oh, yeah. so that ship has sailed, because ever since the beginning of television, television waves go to your tv with-- remember the rabbit ears-- but they also went out into space. so there is a radio bubble expanding at the speed of light that contains our entire culture embedded in what tv shows people watched for the past 50 years. >> stephen: so the aliens are going to think we have talking horses. ( laughter ) mr. ed. my mother the car. >> yes, yes, yes.
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all of that, they will decode who and what we are. >> stephen: wow. >> through those signals. >> stephen: but they'll think we have lasers and proton torpedoes, too, so they might leave us alone. >> i'm pretty sure based on the rest of the data they will conclude there is no sign of intelligent life on earth. ( applause ) >> stephen: how big-- by the way-- how big would that bubble be? >> about 80 light years, going at the speed of light. >> stephen: 160 then, right? >> that's the diameter, correct. >> stephen: sure, sure. >> that's already washed or exoplanets we know exist in that bubble. >> stephen: i heard recently, prox nacenturi, has a planet around it-- it's a red dwarf? my apologies. a red dwarf, and it has planets tarnd that might be in the goldilocks zone. there might be liquid water possible there. >> in our search for exoplanet,
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which is rising through 5,000-- by the way, anyone in the audience born since 1995. quickly raise your hand. okay, good. so i now knight you all generation exoplanet. because that was the year the first exoplanet was discovered, 1995. before then, we knew of no planets in the universe outside of our eight. >> stephen: and now thousands, right? >> we just passed 5,000 just a couple of weeks ago. so among those, some of them have multiple planet systems. and we have multiple planets, you can check is one of them in the goldilocks zone or not? if you're there, you can sustain liquid water. if you center a ranking of which planets you want to check first for life, life as we know it, those you go first. >> stephen: you said we should learn to love the questions rather than focus on the answer. what question do you presently love the most? >> i wonder if the human intellect is sufficient to answer the questions we have
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posed, or even more so, are we smart enough to even know what next questions to ask? i lose sleep on that. so my question is the question about whether we even know what question to ask. and-- and-- and that's not so weird because imagine-- have you ever had a conversation with a chimp? it's generally, no, you can't. you say, a shipment of bananas are coming in at four:30 tomorrow afternoon. they don't know what 4:30 is. they don't know what tomorrow is. your simplest sentence goes unrecognized by them. we have 99% d.n.a. in common. imagine some other species 1% beyond us that we are beyond the chimp, what would we look like to them? their simplest sentence would transcend our capacity to comprehend. i lose sleep over that. and if that's case, there's stuff in the universe we will never figure out. and i want to know when we hit that wall, because i'll just go
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to the bahamas, and i'll be fine. >> stephen: we have to take a quick break. stick around, we'll be right back with more neil degrasse tyson, everybody. ( cheers and applause ).
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it's called "welcome to the universe in 3d." it's a visual tour. >> it is! it so is. >> stephen: first of all, i love being welcome told universe. it's one of my favorite places to be. how does the 3d work? >> this is in a series of bookst tehing faculty at princeton. i had two fellow professor, j. richard gross, and it was really popular, and people wanted the book. we wrote a textbook, but it was very breezy because we taught the course in a breezy way. i think that's why it was popular. we wrote a problem book, and they said that's too big. you can make it littler. we made a pocketbook. wait, no, that's not the pocketbook. this is the pocketbook, okay. so we did that, then people said the universe has beautiful pictures in it, so can we see pictures? so we brought in a coauthor who is totally into... ( laughter ). >> stephen: i knew you would
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take it away from me. i've interviewed you before. >> so there are pairs of images in here that are three-- through the -- >> stephen: this is a close-up of a comet. >> exactly. you look through the-- you look through the -- >> stephen: okay, right here. >> you look through the-- okay. >> stephen: and defocus a little bit. check that out. >> what happens is -- >> stephen: oh, away. >> i know this looks weird. >> stephen: that is sweet. ( applause ) will. >> the . is-- it's a very simple i can talk about the universe all the time. but when you look at these images pop of the planets, the constellations, of earth,-- ear- >> stephen: that's my girl right there. >> and -- >> stephen: there's a lot of water there, right? >> underneath, yeah. .in fact, nooct oh, sorry. just today, there was the press
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conference for the planetary decadal survey that announced the priorities and celutus is one of the priorities. >> stephen: are they going too drill through that ice. >> they don't have to, because it has ice geysers so the stuff underneath is coming to you. >> stephen: i heard pluto has ice geysers, too. >> don't try to get pluto a planet again. ( laughter ). >> stephen: you're afraid to engage. you're afraid to engage. >> i know where you're trying to get there. they just announced that. there's a whole new schedule for that, for plan tore exploration. what i'm saying here, the planets are objects, you can learn about them, you see pictures of them, but they pop in this book. >> stephen: it's really beautiful. >> and, and-- and the web site-- welcometotheuniverse.net, you click on this this, bonus material where i personally narrate each caption while you
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poll the subject. >> stephen: what's your narration voice? >> it's a planetarium voice. >> stephen: can i get a taste of it? >> where is my microphone ( in a deep voice ) welcome to the universe. >> stephen: isaac hays. i didn't realize the universe was so sexy. >> no, no-- yeah, welcome to the universe. so i read in my planetarium director voice all the captions. and the bonus on that web site, welcometotheuniverse.net, while you're looking at it with this book is what i'm saying. the moon-- i don't know if you knew this. it always shows the same face to us. but the moon does a little jig. >> stephen: a little wiggle-wobble. >> we waited for it to jig thel way, took that image. waited for it to jiggle that way, took that image. made that your stereo image, and now it's like, oh, my gosh, you
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just want to hug the moon because it's so real, and it becomes a place, rather than a picture of an orb, it becomes a place. and, and, the constellations in here. people look up at the night sky, there's a constellation. you think it means something? it doesn't mean a damn thing! these are random stars in space, and we show you that in this book! because you put on-- you put in the 3 d, and your favorite constellation that you think is affecting your life... ( applause ) what kind of ego do you need to think the universe gives a rat's ass about your day. what is that ego? anyhow, you put on the goggles and the constellations pop into 3d, and you see the scars are scattered across space. it's the... it's the... >> stephen: i think the universe-- i think the universe cares about you. ( laughter ) and if you want to learn more about the universe, welcome to it opinion
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"welcome to the universe in 3d" is available now. neil degrasse tyson, everybody we'll be right back with comedian emmy blotnick.
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i'm dan o'dowd and i approved this message. you are watching actual videos of the tesla full self driving technology as recorded by the drivers. from turning too tightly and hitting a pylon... [ expletive ] to swerving toward a pole. jesus. watch the bicyclist on the right almost get hit before the driver takes over. sometimes it seems the tesla doesn't want the driver to take over. i'm trying. this driver had to hit the brakes when the tesla didn't understand a detour sign. ok. here it almost hit a truck. obviously, i had to take over. and here it swerves into an oncoming lane. look at that! often, the tesla doesn't
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know what it wants to do. what is it doing? or just doesn't know how to turn. jesus, oh my god! tesla's full self driving software for drivers and pedestrians, it's unsafe at any speed. tell congress to shut it down.
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! ladies and gentlemen, my next guest tonight is a comedian and writer who has written for, "the president show," and "the late show with stephen colbert." please welcome back to "the late show," emmy blotnick. ♪ ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> oh, my god. it is so nice to be here with people! wow. i have been feeling really rusty at talking to people. i think we all have to be really nice to each other right now, and cut each other slack if your conversation goes weird bawrkz it's going to happen, you know.
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the other day i saw a woman outside my coffee shop who had a hairless cat zipped up into her jacket. and she was just kind of staring down the coffee line like, "who's going to ask me about my hairless cat!" she didn't say that, but that was the energy, you know. and i didn't want to do it, but the woman behind me did. she went for it. she went for the chitchat, and she was so warm and friendly and, like, midwestern. like the exact person new york normally destroys. ( laughter ) and she went in so friendly, i knew what she meant to say. it just came out slightly off. she said, "oh, wow. is that a skinless cat?" ( laughter ) and then the lady with the cat said, "he has skin." and i wanted to be like, "just let her have this! you know what she meant. she knows your cat has skin because the whole cat is skin.
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it's an all-skin cat. it's a very skin-forward animal, you know. and maybe she said 'skin' because she was looking at a lot of it. how dareouake her feel like the weird one here. how do you even do that?" she wasn't being weird. she wasn't like, "is your cat only bones?" she was just trying to chat. i think the right answer to that is something like, "actually, it's a hairless cat, but thanks so much for talking to me. i'm utterly companionless." ( laughter ) i got a dog recently. he's the best. dogs are antidepressants, for sure. if you have depression, a dog will help you so much. and if you have anxiety, a dog won't help you at all. ( laughter ) there is so much to worry about. they don't come with instruction
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manuals. i just googled dog questions in a panic all day. i'm standing outside wall greens googling, "can dogs go inside wall greens? no? okay. can dogs eat french onion soup? no? okay." we were in an elevator affect, and i was like, "does he get what's happening right now? we're moving, does he get it? is it and so i googled, "do docks understand elevators?" and the answer is functionally, but not mechanically. and that makes sense, right? they know that they're going somewhere, but they can't build you one. ( laughter ) ( applause ) oh, man. thank you. i'm thinking about buying twitter. no. ( laughter )
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one thing at a time. i got my dog groomed for the first time. i called a mobile dog grooming van, because i saw it in one episode of queer eye, and it's a great business. they roll up to your house in a van and she the guy takes your dog into the van and he disappears for about two and a half hours. and they dooring. they cut his hair. they trimmed his nails. they got in his ears. they gave him a departmental cleaning. they went up his butt. he came out looking so good, like, the best he's ever looked in his life. and i got the bill and it was $250, which is more than my haircut, and you can tell. ( laughter ) but i was like, what happened in there? why was this so expensive? i'm like, no, you know it, this makes sense. a guy had to chain my dog by the neck to a sink in a van and fight him for two and a half hours. he deserves his money.
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and why aren't people getting groomed this way? ( laughter )once y kno it can i going to a hairdresser in one place and a dentist in another?" wouldn't it be amazing if a van rolled up to your house, a guy you never met, puts a bag over your head, and he drags you out to the van, and he handcuffs himself to you and you to the van, and then he does everything, right? he cuts your hair, trims your nails. he gives you a dental cleaning and a colonoscopy, and a covid booster shot, and a little turkey sausage, and he tells you you're a very good boy, and you come out looking best you've ever looked in your life? i mean, who's ready to start grooming with human groomin'? ( applause ) thank you so much.
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>> stephen: emmy blotnick, everybody. thank you, emmy. you can catch emmy at the moontower "just for laughs" comedy festival in austin, texas, this weekend. emmy blotnick, that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be alexander skarsgaård and jack white. ♪ ♪ ♪ ( applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ are ya ready all to have some fun? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ and feel the love tonight don't you worry baby ♪ if you can't come it'll be alright ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the late late show

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